Memories

   Memories do not exist in a straight line. They are more like children's bubbles...tiny and big, bubble within a bubble, bubbles stuck together, bubbles perched on the edge of a leaf of grass; bubbles resting precariously on your hair; and when they pop, you can still see what they were made from. As any child knows, if you catch a bubble on your wand, you can blow new bubbles out of it. But if they land in your eyes, they burn like a son of a gun..

Growing up, I can only remember a few things. They are like 8 x 10 glossy black and white photos/ a still life. The meaning that they have is the meaning I gave them. I don't know if what I think is true, whatever that is. Einstein said "Reality is an illusion. A persistent illusion, but an illusion nonetheless."

My brother Tee remembers everything...what color socks he was wearing on August 24th, 1962; that my grandfather used to drink tea by the gallon; where my father's first job was; what the name of the other dishwasher at Howard Johnson's in Lake Tahoe in 1968. Ad nauseum.

The things my mom remembers with the most depth and clarity centers on babies and music. (I was watching an Elvis Presley concert- don't ask, another story) When I looked over at her, she was singing and knew all the words. I didn't think she ever listened to Elvis before. Whenever she sees my friend Jay, my mom introduces herself. When she sees Connor, she says "how's my little boy, Connor.?".

Memories and logic have nothing to do with each other. Things that are illogical to us (that my 90 year old mom is talking to her  (50ish year old) daughter about her mother (who would have to be 150 years old by now) being alive are never questioned by my mom. Things just are. Talk about living in the moment and not having any constraints.

My mom had repeating bad dreams about three young girls (about 10 years old or so) who were going through her things and stealing her clothes. Did this really happen when she was a child? Who knows. Is it happening now? Not according to my version of reality. Can I convince my mother that there weren't three girls in the house? Nope. All I can do is go along with it.
Early on, she would believe me if I said no one was in the house but us. Now I know she believes only what she believes at that moment and says to me "whatever you say". That translates to "you're an idiot" and I already knew that.

Real events impact on the memories, like triggers. My mom cannot remember that her husband has passed away. She does not remember the funeral or him being ill. She thinks we (the family) kept it from her. I made the mistake of telling her that he was dead and it was like her hearing it for the first time. It was heartbreaking for me, and heartbreaking for her. The next day, she did not remember the conversation. Again, I told her the truth. Apparently I really am an idiot. We both ended up crying.
The devastating events in Haiti produced images and videos of naval ships coming in to port. My mom was annoyed thinking that Dubya was on one of those ships (logically, he would have been 89) and why wasn't he calling her. This time I had learned my lesson. I said, "he would call when he gets a chance".

And now, a message from our next bubble.